What To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Commitment Phobic?

So you’re ready to get down on one knee, whip out the engagement ring, and ask that special woman to marry you. The question is, is she ready?

If your girlfriend isn’t interested in being your fiancée just yet, should you wait for her to come around, or cut your losses and look for another woman who’s ready to settle down? You may believe that she’s The One, but that doesn't add up to much if she doesn't agree. Before you can answer the difficult question of whether you should stay or go, you have to answer a few questions about your relationship, and understand why, exactly, she might be afraid to commit.

What, exactly, is “commitment phobia?” It seems like very generation creates more and more commitment-phobes, people who are afraid to commit to long-term relationships.

We all grew up watching Hollywood films about people finding their one, perfect soul mate, an exaggerated, unrealistic view of romance that’s encouraged men and women alike to believe that a perfect, ideal mate would somehow make them complete. But the uncomfortable truth is that there is no one, perfect person. Robin Williams' character in Good Will Hunting summed up this modern dilemma well when he said, “She’s not perfect, you’re not perfect – the question is whether you’re perfect for each other.”

If your hesitant girlfriend is determined to end your relationship because it's not everything she dreamed about as a little girl, then she might just be a commitment-phobe, using her dreams of perfection as an excuse to avoid commitment.

There are a good deal of other reasons a person may fear marriage and dub it a suffocating prison, rather than a beautiful union. Perhaps they aren’t quite ready to settle down, investing all their energies in a successful career or just enjoying their youth. Or maybe they’re just not ready for all the things that come along with marriage – a house mortgage, kids, etc.

Once you determine the cause of your girlfriend's commitment phobia, you can decide if dating her is a smart investment. If she's battling personal issues regarding commitment and you’re ready for marriage, you may be wasting your time trying to coerce her into marrying you. But if you love each other and she simply wants to be single for a little bit longer, consider putting the talk of marriage on hold. What's the rush? If you’re both in your 20's and just wants to get married later, that’s much different from her not wanting to get married at all.

This is where you have to look at your own desires. How important is marriage to you? Is an official document and everything that comes with it something you need in your life right now? If the answer is no and you love your girlfriend, there's no reason to press her to marry you right now. But if marriage is your goal and she’ determined to remain single, you might want to consider finding another woman, one who shares your long-term dreams. Otherwise, you're just cheating yourself.

When two individuals become a couple, they have to be willing to make compromises. But to do so, you have to be certain of what you want, what you need, and what’s a “deal breaker” in the relationship. If you're unsure whether your relationship is headed in the right direction, it's often helpful to write out a list of “pros” and “cons.” What's working in your relationship? What's not working? If the negative aspects outweigh the positive, you have two options. One is to fix the problems – if the two of you can't make any leeway on your own, consider seeing a counselor. Your other option is to leave.

But remember – everyone goes through different stages in life at different times. You may be more mature than your girlfriend, and ready to make your relationship official. She may not be. But if you think you two are perfect for each other, there's no harm in holding off from labeling your relationship for a little while longer. And it's never a good plan to pressure someone into marriage – that will only aggravate her phobia! Be patient, but don't let your own fears prevent you from ending a hopeless relationship if your needs turn out to be radically different.

The best way to counter your partner's fears of commitment is by keeping your own head on your shoulders. Don't live in a fantasy world. The truth is, she may never commit to you. Only if you can honestly handle this possibility, should you stay in the relationship. Love can move mountains, but it can't always get her to walk down the aisle. Understand that this is not necessarily a reflection on you, but that it has more to do with her own personality and issues.

Dating a commitment-phobe is no walk in the park, especially if you’re determined to get married. But rewards do sometimes come to those who wait. If you keep your head, treat her with patience and compassion, then she may become less frightened of taking that next, big step. Don't hassle her, and don't have unrealistic expectations. If you love her and see a future together, it’s worth waiting until she’s as ready as you are. But if she’s never going to want the same things that you are, the bottom line is that you’ll have to walk away.

What you absolutely must know about the woman you like!- Do you want to know what women are looking for in a date? - Do you know what your woman need and want in relationship, romance, marriage and sex? - Do you want to make her yours? - Do you know that those theories or "formulas" on getting or keeping the woman you love in your life will not work if you do not understand why your woman think and behave the way she does?All About Girls and Women! This package is requried reading for every man who loves a woman... Get it today!

When you’re dealing with relationship issues, you need help. Read our Relationship Advice and Relationship Tips on how you can rekindle the love in your relationship and save your marriage today! You too can get past any relationship crisis! Thousands of satisfied readers have made their love work again. Free special reports also available for your downloads!


Tags: Women, Relationship Tips, Relationship, Love, Dating, Dating Women, Love Tips, What Women Want
What Women Want
Love Tips