No More “Just Friends” – How To Move From Being a Friend To a Lover

To most men, being “just friends” with a woman they’re crazy about is excruciating. If you’re on the receiving end of the I-love-you-as-a-friend talk, it’s like having a door slammed in your face, isn’t it? It’s like the kiss of death for any future intimacy, and it can hurt like a hot knife slicing through your heart.

But it’s possible to turn a woman from a friend to a lover, if you’re willing to put in the work involved. It won’t work every time, but it’s been done – you just have to know what to do.

There are a number of reasons that a woman might think of you as a gender-neutral friend rather than as the sexy, passionate man that you know you really are. Perhaps you’ve been timid about revealing your feelings. Maybe you’ve known each other for a long time, and she’s come to think of you as a sort of brother, or a girlfriend in guy’s clothing. Maybe you’ve treated her too much like “one of the guys,” making crude jokes in her presence and kidding her with sarcastic put-downs. None of these things are irreversible, and you could very well have a shot if you just change your own behavior.

So how to you go about taking that “just friends” relationship to another level?

1. Date other woman. She needs to see you as a sexual being, not just a buddy who’s safe tpo hang out with. That means that you’ll need to be successful with other women. Most people want what they can’t have, and if she sees that you’re spending some of your valuable time – time that might otherwise be spent with her – in the arms of other women, she’ll be much more attractive to her. So get out there and flirt, date and show her that you have testosterone racing through your veins.

2. Stop acting like “just a friend.” Look at how you behave with her when you’re together. Do you flirt with her? Touch her hand? Make funny jokes laced with sexual innuendo? If you don’t, then you’re no different to her than the female friends that she meets for lunch and shopping. It takes two to be “just friends,” and if you don’t do anything to let her know that you find her sexually desirable then you only have yourself to blame. And don’t think that she’ll magically pick up on your feelings – telling her that you think her new blouse is pretty is something that one of her girlfriends would do. Telling her that her blouse is pretty because it shows off her cleavage (accompanied by a rakish eyebrow waggle) is not. Learn the difference.

3. Have a life away from her. If you spend a lot of time with a woman who you’re secretly pining for, you’re probably feeling a little down about it. And moping isn’t sexy. What women do find sexy are men who do interesting things, have interesting friends and enjoy their lives to the fullest. So do what you can to make the rest of your life as fulfilling as possible. For one thing, your happiness will be irresistible – we’re all sexier and more attractive when we’re felling good about ourselves.

She’ll also see that you’re a well-rounded person who gets enjoyment out of his life even when she’s not around, and that will make her want to be around you all the more. And, finally, it’ll give you great things to talk about – after all, which is more appealing, hearing someone talk about the great hike they went on over the weekend, or listening to somebody tell you how they say around their apartment for two days, eating burritos and watching TV?

4. Make a stand. Once you start behaving differently towards her, stick with your decision to put “just friends” away forever. If she responds positively to your flirting and your new, happier lifestyle – great! But if she responds to your romantic interest with a firm declaration that you will never be anything more than a friend, it’s time to look elsewhere for love.

Continuing to pursue a woman who doesn’t want you is sure to damage your self-esteem, and there are, as they say, plenty of fish in the sea. You don’t have to give up your friendship with her entirely, but back off and expend m,ore of your energies on other women. Who knows? If you pull away, she may realize what she’s losing and come after you!

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